


i'll be back before you know i'm gone

by transbuck



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Era, F/M, Light Angst, Pregnancy, Revolutionary War, and thomas and william are marthas youngest siblings, john Actually left without telling martha, she Knew he was gonna leave. but she didnt know when, theyre about 13 and 12 respectively when this takes place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 19:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13770609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transbuck/pseuds/transbuck
Summary: "What are you doing?" Martha asks, head tilting on instinct. She rests a hand on the doorframe, leans into the room a slight bit.John jumps up in surprise when he hears Martha's voice, turns his head to look at her. "Oh. My apologies, I didn't hear you come in.""Answer my question," Martha says, gives John a very stern look.John frowns, turns his body towards Martha. He glances over at his suitcase before looking back towards her. "I'm packing."





	i'll be back before you know i'm gone

When Martha steps into hers and her husband's bedroom, she's not quite sure what she planned to see, but it probably wasn't her husband packing things into a suitcase. She frowns, confused, a hand coming to rest protectively over her swollen belly. She's eight months along into her pregnancy and she assumes that, if her and John had married before she had become pregnant, then he would be just as delighted as she was and just as doting over her as the husbands of her friends were during their own pregnancies. She's long since resigned herself to suffering in a loveless marriage, just for the sake of her baby. Her and John's baby, she reminds herself, but it doesn't really feel like he's as invested as Martha is with the coming baby.

"What are you doing?" Martha asks, head tilting on instinct. She rests a hand on the doorframe, leans into the room a slight bit.

John jumps up in surprise when he hears Martha's voice, turns his head to look at her. "Oh. My apologies, I didn't hear you come in."

"Answer my question," Martha says, gives John a very stern look.

John frowns, turns his body towards Martha. He glances over at his suitcase before looking back towards her. "I'm packing."

Martha carefully strokes her belly, something of a nervous habit she's accumulated over the months of her pregnancy, carefully steps more into the room. She moves towards John, mindlessly presses a kiss to the corner of John's lips. Truly, she's in love with him, absolutely head over heels, and she knows in the back of her mind that John doesn't feel the same way. That doesn't stop her from reveling in the affection that she's allowed to have from him, whether he loves her back or not. "Packing, huh? For what?"

John shifts nervously as he rests his hand on the small of Martha's back, fingers spread somewhat possessively. "I'm leaving for The Colonies in the morning, love."

"What?!" Martha shouts indignantly, moves out of John's grasp. "For what reason,  _mon chér_? You're not visiting your father are you? The baby is coming next month, do you not wish to be here for the birth?"

"You and I both know that I do not wish to be with that man," John says almost sadly, wrings his hands in front of himself. "I truly wish I could, my love, but I must leave as soon as I can. I've enlisted to join the Continental Army to fight against the British."

"You wish to fight against those who are loyal to the British while your own  _wife_ is loyal to the British herself? When she has spent the last _seven years_ living in England, standing for this country and this country alone?" Martha asks incredulously, bunches up the skirt of her nightgown with an almost pained look on her face. "And you prefer to fight a war for a country you no longer live in rather than stay here in the country you live in now for the birth of your own  _child_?" John reaches for Martha and she roughly pulls away, glares heavily at him. "You are nothing but a  _coward,_ abandoning your home and family to fight a war in which you should not even be  _involved_! I cannot believe I ever allowed myself to love you!"

"Patty, my dearest, I'm so sorry," John responds, reaches towards Martha again, fingers circling her wrist and pulling her towards him.

"Explain yourself, John!" Martha shouts. She can feel the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, feeling nothing but betrayal in her heart.

"Darling, you and I both know that I will be forever loyal to my homeland. It is not that I do not wish to be with you, my dear girl, and our babe, whom I already love with all of my heart. It is that I am one to fight for what I see is right and I see the colonists' view as that which is right. My heart is heavy with guilt and regret knowing now that I am hurting you with this decision," John replies, a pained look in his eyes as he carefully, cautiously brings his hands up to cup Martha's cheeks. He strokes underneath her eyes with his thumbs gently, swipes away the tears that have started to gather on her cheeks. "I never wished to hurt you, sweet girl. Ultimately, it was under your father's wishes that I did not tell you."

"My father knew?" Martha asks incredulously, hands coming up to wrap loosely around John's wrists.

"He did. He advised that I refrain from telling you so as to avoid worrying you and to avoid the chance of you falling ill and jeopardizing our little one. I would have told you sooner, but I did not wish to go against your father's wishes," John says quietly, tries to offer a reassuring smile. "Your mother agreed with him as well, and I am not one to go against my dear girl's parents."

Martha sniffles a little bit, shoves John's hands away from her face, goes to sit down on the bed. She hunches over, both hands over her swollen belly, desperately tries to keep herself calm. "When were you even going to tell me?  _Were_ you going to tell me?"

"I-- I regret to admit that I... I hadn't thought of telling you before I left," John says nervously, folds and unfolds his hands, carefully sitting down next to Martha. If he tries not to let her notice that he avoids touching her, then he fails miserably. "I was afraid of telling you too soon and causing you to fret for a longer time than you would had I not told you 'till the morning."

"Get away from me!" Martha shouts, quickly stands up, rushes towards the wall opposite John. "John, my dear boy, you mean the world and more to me. You and I both know that voyage to The Colonies is incredibly dangerous! And you and I both know that you could very well get yourself  _killed_ by fighting this war which, might I remind you, you needn't become part of! You are too reckless a man, you rarely stop to think of potential consequences! There is no doubt in my mind that you will get yourself  _killed_ because of your tendency to throw caution to the wind! Did you not stop to think of that, or were you reckless in this decision as you are with just about everything? John, you are the love of my life and, whether you like it or not, I will fret to hell and back over you and your safety."

"Patty, my dearest, darlingest girl--" John starts, rises to reach for Martha.

"No!" Martha interrupts, walks backwards towards the doorframe. "I'm leaving. I cannot sleep in the same bed as you tonight, knowing that it will be my last time."

"I will come back to you and our precious little one, love, I swear to you," John responds, follows Martha as she turns swiftly towards the living room.

"You cannot make a bold promise such as that, dear. You are a reckless man, John, you and I both know that," Martha says, more tears pricking the corners of her eyes as she searches desperately for shoes.

"But I  _can_. I will be back as soon as I am allowed. I regret that I will not be present for our child's birth, but I will come back. I will come home. I swear to you. I promise, my love," John says in a desperate attempt to keep Martha there.

"And what if you decide that winning a battle or capturing a fort is more important than anything else? What if you are reckless in your actions and get yourself killed while trying to win some trivial battle? I do not wish to risk that. When you die, I want it to be when we are both old in age, when our little one has children of their own, and I wish for it to be by my side. I don't want to lose you. I  _can't_ lose you.  _Please_. Please say you'll stay?" Martha asks desperately, turns towards John with tears in her blue eyes.

"To say I will stay would be a lie, dear girl. There is no backing out of this now. I am beyond sorry," John replies quietly, tries to reach for Martha, but she whips away.

"Then I suppose this babe will almost definitely grow up without a father," Martha responds sadly, sits down on the couch once she's found a pair of shoes. She pulls them on awkwardly before standing up.

"Don't say that," John says. "I won't let that happen."

"You have no control over who lives or who dies, my dearest," Martha responds with wide, teary eyes, refuses to break eye contact. "I'm leaving for my parent's house. Perhaps Thomas and William might have some sage advice, as well as my mother."

"Martha, please don't go. I need you here with me. I need you on my last night in England for the time being.  _Please_ ," John begs. He tries to force himself to follow Martha, to grab her and keep her from leaving, but he can't quite get the nerve to.

"Never forget that I love you, dearest. I will be at the port to see you off," Martha responds sadly, moves closer to John. She puts a hand on his shoulder for leverage, presses an absent, soft kiss to his lips before turning away for the door. "For my and our child's sake, I sincerely hope you really do come home." And with that, Martha's opening the door and exiting the small Laurens home, shuts the door after her, starts after her parent's house.

John instantly crumples when he registers that Martha's gone, falls to his knees and covers his face with his hands. It takes all of the willpower that he doesn't have to not start crying, shoulders shaking with the force of it.

And the next morning, it's next to impossible for John to not start sobbing when he sees that Martha isn't at the port.

Oh, how John would regret leaving when he first gets the letter from his father-in-law saying that she has passed.


End file.
